lone.

I developed a black and white film recently in the darkroom which I had shot and finished almost a year ago in April-May 2011. The shots on the film were a mixture of two trips, the first was a Sheffield Uni PhotoSoc trip to Edinburgh for a weekend, and the second was a day trip to Hardwick Hall. The latter trip held no major events or happenings, but was a particularly poignant day for me.


I had got my National Trust membership the previous summer and had been wanting to go to Hardwick Hall for months, but hadn't managed to achieve it. I'd been waiting so that I could go with a friend, but for months we couldn't get our schedules to collide. In May 2011, on the day after my last exam, the sunlight was drifting through a haze of clouds, and everything appeared to have that warm hue which you often find in the summertime. I had nothing that needed to be done. No expectations of me. No prior engagements. So I drove to Hardwick Hall on my own, singing in my car on the way, and spent the day there.
I spent hours taking photos, drawing, thinking, breathing, listening to music, eating lunch, engaging other people (which is something you almost forget how to do when locked away during exam time). It was such a simple day, but it felt important to me as an occasion where I took a small but brave step and ventured somewhere new on my own. I also felt liberated putting myself first and immersing myself in all the things which make me feel more human, connected, and free.


When I saw the negatives of this trip as I pulled the roll of film out of the developing tank, I felt reassured by this previous demonstration of my self-confidence, and my ability to enjoy time alone.


In four days, I am embarking on a lone trip to Italy, not for one day, but for ten days. It is one of the most exciting, and most scary things I have ever done. I'm not sure what to expect, but I am confident that my mind and my spirit will be enriched in many ways by all the things, people and places that I am going to experience. And I take courage from the memories of my day at Hardwick Hall that being alone is not necessarily lonely, and that I am about to have a great adventure.

 

Apologies if the images look a little bit pixelated. I think they've got a bit squashed by some technology somewhere.